The Chasm That Opens Swallows All That Is Good And Right

The passing of culturally significant individuals is always a major event here in the Land of the Free, home of the Jack Nicholson. But sometimes you lose someone and the chasm that opens swallows all that is good and right--at least for a moment--and when it's over, you tell yourself to remember where you were, what you were doing, so that you may recall the event in the future, so that you can tell your grandchildren: I remember where I was when I found out that Billy Mays died.

Mays was the direct-response advertisement salesman for touchstone products like OxiClean, Orange Glo, Kaboom, Engrave It, Handy Switch, iCan, Mighty Mendit, Might Putty, Mighty Putty Wood, Hercules Hook, AwesomeAuger, Steam Buddy, Zorbeez, Big City Slider Station, The Ding King, ESPN 360, Emergency! Defribrillator, Energize, Computer Wizard, Impact Gel Insoles, Omni DualSaw, Jupiter Jack, What Odor?, Soap-A-Dub-Slop Stopper, Tool Bandit, SIMONIZ Instant Shine, SIMONIZ fix it!, SIMONIZ fix it! PRO, Gopher, Samurai Shark, Grater Plater, Ragazzi's Pizza, and Green Now!

His energy was infectious, his smile, reassuring, and he wore a perfectly-groomed beard that said: I am an everyday Joe. I am just like you and I'm telling you, this product will work.

And we bought these products and were amazed when they actually did work.

So here's to you, Billy Mays. You may be gone, but your legacy remains. Every time someone gives the double thumbs-up, we'll remember you. Every time someone shouts to get their point across, we'll hear your voice. Every time someone fixes, fills, and seals all their problems, every time someone gets on the ball, every time someone gets the tough stuff, the stuff that others leave behind, the hard water build up, the soap scum, the ring around the toilet, the calcium, lime, and rust stains, you'll be there. Because direct-response advertisement salesmen like you only come along once in a lifetime.

Now, we can only consider ourselves lucky to have been there to witness it.

It's in your memory that this Sunday Review is dedicated.

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-via The New York Times: For those who say that the media forced or invented coverage about Michael Jackson's death, Pt. 1.

-via The New York Times: For those who say that the media forced or invented coverage about Michael Jackson's death, Pt. 2.

-via The New York Times: David Segal makes a great case for why Michael Jackson's legacy is so important to our culture as a whole. As if it was up for debate, regardless.

*And as a side note, let me just say this: For all those asking why the big fuss over a pedophile, just remember one number. 100,000,000. That's how many copies (estimated) of Thriller have been purchased worldwide (although since the figure is always going up, some put it at closer to 109,000,00) since it's release in 1982.

The next closest album on the list?

AC/DC's Back In Black and Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon, which both top off at the moment at around 45,000,000. American reactions of "he touched boys" and "stop making a big deal about a singer", while certainly not surprising, is typical of two things--xenophobia and racism. Out of the 100,000,000 Thriller copies sold, only about 28-30 million of those sales happened in the United States. And really, why bother to acknowledge sales, or fans, or in a bigger way, the existence, really, of anywhere else than the good old US of A, right?

Then there's the obvious undercurrent of racism in the matter. It's the typical "Draft 'em Out of High School!/?" debate. Major League Baseball has been signing/drafting baseball players out of high school for years. Decades, really. Nobody ever cared or bothered to stamp their feet about it, mostly because for a while, blacks weren't allowed to play at all, and even when they are now, they hardly make up a sizable portion of rosters.

Then there's the NBA. Hordes of young, talented black men were suddenly getting tremendous amounts of money in the late 90's and into the new millennium. Michael Jordan made that transition from "athlete" to "icon" (think of Jay-Z's line: "I'm not a businessman/I'm a business, man). Then people started getting concerned. Then there needed to be rules. Then we needed to "protect the players" and make sure they had a "fair choice" about "going to college."

And the same is true now.

It's a known fact that Elvis Presley, who is probably the only other entertainer in history who can even be somewhat compared to Michael Jackson (and yes, I said compared to Michael Jackson, not the other way around), battled many, many demons, one of which even included dating a 14-year-old Priscilla while he was *gasp* twenty-four.

But where does Elvis stand in our collective conscience?

And it's not even worth pointing out the fact that Michael Jackson was cleared of the supposed crimes that people still harp on--many minds were and will stay made up. And that's fine. I owe no allegiance to Michael Jackson besides respecting him musically. But for everyone out there, let's remember that the man had three kids and people who loved him as a family member. And as it may turn out, his death may have been been caused by medical negligence, which would be even sadder. In that vein, I urge you to show some respect, or even better, just shut your mouth.

-via The New York Times: This is the cover piece from the Times Magazine by Jonathan Mahler. It's about Detroit and the fall of the Black middle class there. It's important to focus on issues like this during these economic times, especially as a person who is fortunate enough to not have felt the effects. Yet.

-via CNN: Billy Mays, what more can I say? May you rest in peace in a place in great need of cheap, effective household cleaning and maintenance solutions.

-via Gizmodo: 3D Porn? Yes, please.

-via Deadspin: I spent far too much time watching the NBA Draft this past week and Deadspin managed to come up with the answer to something I did wonder about numerous times throughout--handshake body language. Patti Wood's observations were spot-on, I thought, especially regarding Jonny Flynn, who also wore my favorite suit of the night.

-via Mac Rumors: Since all major cellphone/cellphone operating system developers have taken their crack at Apple's iPhone (and failed, so far) I guess Sony shrugged their collective shoulders and said, "Sure, why not us too?" Go to where the puck will be, people. Not where it is now.

-via Cult of Mac: I keep resisting the urge to do a iPhone 3GS write-up, because really, what's the point, but these "Five Hidden Features" is too fun to pass up (and sadly, I found the last one on my own one day and thought it was super cool too. God, I'm lame).

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That's all for now, folks. It's late on Sunday and Danielle is sick, which means I'll probably be sick soon (right in time for vacation) and I've got a Yankees game to watch. I'm getting over some things, personal things, and I'm hoping to attack this week head-on with renewed vigor. So far, Sunday has treated me well, and that's all I can ask for as I prepare. Hope yours has too.

JS