Let A Stranger Drive You Home?

You know what I have come to hate?

This:



First, the main problem is that this commercial was played at least 30 times in a seven hour span on Sunday. I shouldn't be spending that much time in front of a television, I know, but three major pro sports are in season, two of which are in their playoffs, so suck off.

Second, this notion of "letting a stranger drive you home" irks me. I don't know if its the wording or what, but its just stupid. It doesn't sound like something that always ends well, even if their point is not to drink and drive.

Third, all four people in the car look like total douchebags. I wouldn't be friends with any of them on principle alone. In a beer commercial, the people are playing the role of me, the consumer. If those people were similar to me in any way, I'd shoot myself.

Fourth, the singing. Yes, maybe we have all sung along to the radio in a cab before while drunk (and by the way, do any of those people even look drunk?), but nobody gets all 106 and Park like the dude in the backseat. Not without throwing up at least.

Fifth--the biggest problem of all. The motherfucking pimped out radio in the cab. What cabby--and dude looks like he's late 50's, early 60's--has a custom head in his yellow taxi? Seriously. Who? That's not the way the world works and we all know it.

In my world, you're just happy to have a way home.

Maybe you're lucky enough to get a cabby who's willing to pull over after passing over the Willis Ave. Bridge to let you throw scotch up in a Dunkin Donuts parking lot.

If he's a really nice guy, a fucking clutch performer, maybe he pulls into the dark corner of the parking lot so the cops don't see you.

And while you're doing it, as you look over and there's the dank building where the Golden Lady used to be, its naked neon lady sitting in a martini glass sign now dark, maybe, just maybe, you have the capacity to think to yourself: I love my life, I just hate the decisions I've made.

But never do you think: I'm just glad I let a stranger drive me home.

Nobody is that lucky.


More soon.

JS