The Sunday Review--On Monday

A thousand apologies--yesterday was the 1st Annual Res Life Softball game (my team won, which is more than I can say for the Rangers and the Yankees), and when I got home around 6, besides watching the Rangers suffer an embarrassing defeat at MSG, I had so much to do and wound up getting nothing done. I was just that tired. And sore. And I'm still pretty tired and sore, but I came into work early to bang out another edition of The Sunday Review, so let's do it.

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-This ad jumped out at me yesterday:



I decided to write a short one act play about it, titled "Carbs In Carbs":

Marketing Exec 1: Here's my pitch, okay?

Marketing Exec 2: Seduce me.

Marketing Exec 1: Everybody loves pasta--especially when the name ends in 'ara' or 'era,' right?

Marketing Exec 2: I'm getting a little hot.

Marketing Exec 1: And everybody loves bread, right?

Marketing Exec 2: Seriously? I'm a little wet.

Marketing Exec 1: And in these times of economic hardship, who wouldn't love to bang out just a little more value for their buck--by say, oh, I don't know, eating their food's container?

Marketing Exec 2: The safety word is banana--we can't feed them plastic or cardboard, Howard. Not with this whole "green" movement.

Marketing Exec 1: Bread bowl, Phil. Bread. Bowl.

Marketing Exec 2: I'm hard again.

Marketing Exec 1: It's a bowl--made out of bread.

Marketing Exec 2: And we serve them the pasta--

Marketing Exec 1: In the bread bowl. That's right.

Marketing Exec 2: I'm about to explode, Howard. But--won't this make America even fatter than it already is? Serving carbs in carbs?

Marketing Exec 1: If by "fatter" you mean "more likely to order food from Domino's," then yes and yes.

Marketing Exec 2: Howard, you're a goddamn genius.

Marketing Exec 1: Phil, I hope this was as good for you as it was for me.

The End

-Here's a review of Jay McInerney's new short story collection, "How It Ended," from yesterday's Book Review. Obviously Bright Lights, Big City is McInerney's claim to fame, but this review makes the case that his other works hold water as well. I'll admit, I haven't read any of them, but I feel somewhat intrigued now. Bonus points for the Ian Cook picture of McInerney at a London book party in '88. Classic.

-This is an essay by Tom Bissell about David Foster Wallace and the graduation speech he gave at Kenyon College in 2005. Tom is a great teacher and an even better guy, and as soon as I got over the "I've sat and talked with a someone who wrote an essay in the Sunday Book Review!" feeling, I realized this was a great piece. Infinite Jest was already on my "to-read" list. Now, it looks like This Is Water is too.

-This is a really great opinion piece by Frank Rich called, "The Banality Of Bush White House Evil." I love the comparison it makes at the beginning about how we believed the myths about the Columbine massacre for the same reason we believed the government when it said that the abuse and torture and Abu Ghraib was carried out by, "a few American troops who dishonored our country and disregarded our values."

-Big day at the draft for the New York Jets. Who knows what Mark Sanchez will turn out to be, but you've got to feel pretty good about this move. The Jets are the team that doesn't make the big move. Whether it's fear or inability, we're never sure, but one thing we do know is not to expect anything. So to pull this trade off, even with what we gave up (our first-round pick (17), our second-round pick (52), defensive end Kenyon Coleman, safety Abram Elam and quarterback Brett Ratliff) means more than just getting what many are calling the best QB available. It means their is hope for a change in mindset. Here's what Mel Kiper had to say about the pick:

New York Jets: GRADE: A-The motto of the Jets' draft was quality over quantity. Mark Sanchez's selection made this team's draft because he's a franchise-maker. New coach Rex Ryan likes his defense, so the organization felt it could focus on the offense in his first draft. The Jets picked up Iowa running back Shonn Greene, who will fit into the rotation with Leon Washington and Thomas Jones. Guard Matthew Slauson was an OK pick in the sixth round, but the key to this draft is up top with Greene and Sanchez.

-As the Rangers go into Washington to play a Game 7 tomorrow that they will most likely lose, I hope John Tortorella feels really shitty about his actions. Not only did he embarrass the Rangers organization and their fans, he made a fool out of himself. He also comes off as a huge hypocrite. I understood benching Avery in Game 5. He isn't producing offensively and he isn't drawing penalties to counteract the ones he's taking. But at least what he does is on the ice. Smart or not, it's all part of a game that is fast, furious, and sometimes brings out the less-than-stellar aspects of man. By engaging the fans, Tortorella violated one of the cardinal rules of professional sports:

Don't engage the fucking fans.

I don't care if they were banging on the glass. I don't care if they were drunk and talking about Mrs. Torts. I don't care if the security staff wasn't doing their job, and you were really pissed about what was happening on the ice, you don't engage the fucking fans, Torts.

Use your head.

You know--the thing you just told Sean Avery to use?

-I posted before about the merits of the Photogene and Cool fx apps. Here's another example of how well it works:



That's a "cool bleach" effect which reminds me a lot of the look of Clint Eastwood's latest films.

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That's all for now. Today when I go home, I'm going to get a good bike ride in, straighten up the house, do my laundry, re-organize some stuff, start a new book (The Delivery Man by Joe McGinniss Jr.--my review of Donald Ray Pollack's Knockemstiff is coming soon) and basically ignore the television and sports in general. We need some time apart.


More soon.

JS